I Have Cancer
I never thought I’d be writing about my own health like this, but here we are. As the clickbait-style title implies, I’ve recently been diagnosed with skin cancer, a Basal Cell Carcinoma on the left side of my face, near my nose. It’s been a whirlwind of appointments and emotions, and I’m hoping that sharing these details might help me process what’s going on in my head.
The Timeline So Far
- December 30, 2024
I visited my dermatologist for a routine checkup and asked them to take a closer look at a bump on my face. After a quick scope and some questions, they took a biopsy. - December 31, 2024
The call came in. It was official: the bump was a Basal Cell Carcinoma. They mentioned I’d need surgery, but I had to wait for more details. - January 1, 2025
I began scheduling appointments—one with the local dermatologist at Sonterra Dermatology in San Antonio, and another at MD Anderson in Houston. Sonterra came highly recommended, but MD Anderson is a world-renowned cancer center. Even though it’s a four-hour drive, I thought it might be worth a second opinion.
The Biopsy Findings
The pathology described it as a nodular basal cell carcinoma. Under the microscope, the tumor had basaloid cells arranged in rounded clusters, with dark nuclei and a neat outer row (peripheral palisading). There was also a “cleft” around the tumor, and it reached the edges of the biopsy sample, so there’s a good chance it wasn’t fully removed.
Conflicting Choices
- January 11, 2025
I had two upcoming Mohs surgery appointments, one at Sonterra Dermatology and another at MD Anderson. Which do I choose? MD Anderson’s reputation or the convenience (and quality care) at Sonterra? - January 13, 2025
Decision made: I’m going with Sonterra Dermatology and Dr. James Neiner. My gut says he’s just as good as the doctors at MD Anderson, and I appreciate the local option.
Racing Thoughts
I’m thankful it’s not melanoma, but that doesn’t automatically soothe the nerves. There’s the fact that my immune system didn’t catch this and that my DNA had a mutation somewhere, causing my skin to misbehave. I’m also worried about potential scars on my face. I like my crooked nose and my face as it is, thank you very much! Still, the surgery is coming up, and it feels like all I can do is trust my surgeon to dig this tumor out and hope for the best.
Sophie’s Choice
No matter which doctor I choose, it’s easy to think:
- What if they carve up my face and I look worse than a pirate?
- What if they can’t remove all the cancer?
- What if I end up needing plastic surgery anyway?
I realize it’s a lose-lose thought pattern. Even if I’m cancer-free afterward, there’s a high chance I’ll still second-guess my decision. And yes, I’m vain enough to admit I’m upset at what this might do to my looks. That said, there’s effectively a 0% chance this will kill me, but also about a 10% chance I’ll look like the Phantom of the Opera, and maybe a 50% chance I’ll Walk away with a noticeable scar. I hate those odds, but I’ll deal with them.
All this health and safety talk is just killing me
For now, I’m just trying to cope with the idea that I’ll likely be left with a scar. Basal Cell Carcinoma is extremely common: 1 in 5 people, they say, so maybe that means everyone has it but doesn’t know it yet (dark humor for the win?). In any case, I’m counting on the fact that it’s the easiest skin cancer to remove, but it can recur, just like it has for Hugh Jackman multiple times. If Wolverine can’t catch a break, what hope does a regular person like me have?
Still, I’m determined to tackle this with the best care I can get. Surgery is on January 17, 2025. I’m simultaneously scared, frustrated, and relieved to get it over with. For now, I’ll just keep blogging my thoughts, because maybe it’ll help me breathe a little easier.
To be continued…