I Have Cancer

So, as the clickbait title suggests, I've recently been diagnosed with skin cancer. While I generally don't write about personal health like this, I thought I'd blog about what is happening, the timeline, and my thoughts; let's call this a journal.

I'm not sure if this blog post will ever be published, so really, this could be nothing more than mental diarrhea, writing into the void with the idea that it will help me process what's going on within my head.

Timeline

December 30, 2024, I went to the doctor's office for a routine checkup with the dermatologist. While at the office, I had the dermatologists examine the bump on the left side of my face, near my nose. The doctor scoped it, asked me some questions, and took a biopsy.

December 31, 2024, I received a call from the doctor's office where they confirmed that the bump on the side of my face was a Basal Cell Carcinoma and told me to standby for further instructions, with the expectation that I would be scheduled for a surgical procedure.

January 1, 2024, I started the process of booking an appointment with MD Anderson in Houston. The Doctor who provided the diagnosis is a local one here in San Antonio at Sonterra Dermatology, and while they're highly recommended, and I may still have future procedure with them, I had a tickle in the back of my head that I should potentially look for a better Cancer center, even if it is a four-hour drive from my home.

January 11, 2025, I've been scheduled to have a Mohs surgical procedure which will eliminate the cancer from my face. However, at this point I have two booked appointments. One at Sonterra Dermatology and the other at MD Anderson. The choice is down to convenience or expertise. That said, I'm not sure that MD Anderson is any better than Sonterra, however, MD Anderson is world renowned for treating cancer... So, I've some choices to make... and soon.

January 13, 2025, I've made yet another decision to have my procedure with Sonterra Dermatology. Doctor James Neiner seems legit, and from my research, is every bit as good as any doctors at MD Anderson. So, James is my Sophies Choice.

January 17, 2025, Surgery Day.

Pre-surgical Thoughts

2024 ended with a bang!

While I like to say I have extremely resilient, but this diagnosis has me a bit shaken. I'm pretty self-assured, and I have always been a very calculated with my work life and go-with-the-flow in my personal life; however, in this case, I'm confused and unsure of what my next move will be. While I'm glad that I'm not dealing with melanoma (yet?), I'm distraught that my immune system is failing me, that my DNA has some mutation, and that my epidermis is defective. I don't know what to expect, though I know I need to expect some rage in the near future. What pisses me off is that there's no amount of grit that will allow me to overcome this issue; my only option is to put my trust in a surgeon and hope that they can dig the tumor out of my face successfully and can get it all during the first procedure.

I'm by no means Brad Pitt, but I do like my crooked nose and face just like it is, and I don't need any help to enhance my existing facial features.

Sophies Choice

The diagnosis of cancer on my face and the fact that I must have a Mohs procedure to eliminate it, and I will be left with an inevitable hole in my face. It will heal, and I will get through this. Nothing I'm facing today is life threatening, however, it will be disfiguring; so, the mental diarrhea I'm pouring into this blog post is really psychological with a biomechanical component. I have no idea what to expect from the surgery and the internet is a pile of despair with terrible outcomes. While researching doctors to get the cancer removed, I've come to the conclusion that there's no good choice to make.

• If the doctor carves up my face and leaves me looking like a damn pirate, I'll inevitably think that my other doctor would have been better.
• If the doctor fails to eliminate all the cancer, I will absolutely think the other doctor would have done a better job.
• If the doctor leaves me with a minimally visible scare, I'll 100% think the other doctor would have cleared my carcinoma with no scar.
• If the doctor removes my cancer but leaves me with a gaping hole in my nose or cheek, requiring plastic surgery, there will be no doubt that I will think that the other doctor could have done better, better where plastic surgery would not have been required, even if I was scared.
• No matter what doctor or facility I choose, a different doctor and facility will have done better.

There's no choice where the outcome of January 17 leaves me happy, even if I'm cancer free; quite frankly I think that's shitty. Especially given the fact that I'm literally crying about what this is going to do to my looks.

• There is effectively a 0% chance I die from this
• There's about a 10% chance I become the fantom of the opera
• There's about a 50% chance I get a nice memento

Coping

Basal Cell Carcinoma is common, and many people have it. According to some medical news outlets, approximately 1 in 5 people have it, so from my understanding of the numbers, that effectively means everyone has it and they just don't know it yet, which is my dark humor way of making sense of things. That said, the commonality of the cancer doesn't make it any less rage-inducing, especially since any form of cancer is still cancer. Additionally, the majority of the medical community also says that, when there's one there's others, which is a great way for the doctors to dismiss missing tumors during checkups.

The detection of Basal Cell Carcinoma also means that there is an increased risk of other types of skin cancer, which is fuckin' fantastic. Remember how I said I was glad that I wasn't dealing with Melanoma, well maybe I'll have the experience soon... I think the most upsetting thing is the risk of recurrence. TL;DR, they cut this shit out of you only for it to come back in the same place.

See Huge Jackman and his many attempts of trying to eliminate Basal Cell Carcinoma from his face. If Wolverine can't eliminate cancer from himself, with all of his worldly resources, what chance does a peasant like me have?

All this health and safety talk is just killing me

In general, I like to think that I exist out of spite. I have been successful in life because I've done things differently, gone a different path, adventured in uncharted directions, and colored outside the lines; however, in 2025, I think I'm going to need to "take many steps back." The start of 2025, all 16 days of it so far, has been full of uncertainty. I may just need to drink some water, change my socks, and take some Motrin, but as of January 1, 2025, I'm not in the best of moods and I'm cracking at the seams; maybe this is deserved?

On that terrible disappointment, it's time to say goodbye for now. I may update, publish, or delete this post; time will tell. Tomorrow the Mohs procedure gets done, for better or worse, and I'm sure I'll have something to say sometime in the after now. Until then, TTFN.